the fire of a thousand suns

God is pretty funny. I mean yesterday, here I was, blogging about the fact that I have nothing to blog about this summer. I missed my chaos, my routine was a challenge. Well, ask and you shall receive, folks, and you best be careful what you ask for.

My family was awakened last night to the sound screaming from my room. They emerge from their beds to find me leaping through the kitchen on one foot, still screaming, though the only audible words were "burning" and "fire" followed by sounds like "aoueieoiuouououahiiiiiiieeeeou" and "ugh." My mom came in smiling. She knew what had happened. Why else does someone scream out in the middle of the night and leap around the kitchen like a madwoman in Dripping Springs (other than the obvious midnight relay races)?... a scorpion.

That's right. I stepped on a scorpion. Apparently he didn't like that-- which would explain the not one, but three stings on the left side of my left foot. Why three?-- you ask. Well, I learned last night exactly how long it takes a message to travel from my foot to my brain-- and that would be about the same amount of time it takes for that dang thing to sting me two more times.

Looking down, I expected to see my foot gushing blood and large shards of glass protruding from it. But no. Oh no. It was the most evil of God's creations (besides women). I hate scorpions. I always have. In fact, I have nightmares about the dang things. I fear them. And now I know why I do. You know, someone once told me that all I need to do is be stung by one to see it isn't so bad and to realize that I shouldn't be so afraid. That person should be shot.

I don't want to be dramatic about this. In fact, I pride myself on my pain-tolerance. But holy cow-- it is now about 17 hours after the incident and I am still in pain. It hurts to walk. It hurts to sit. It hurts to be my foot (and yes-- my foot told me that). This morning it was just needle-pricky-ish and now when I walk around campus in the heat, pain shoots through my foot and up my leg. Evil, vile creatures!

In an effort not to be dramatic, I want to give you an approximation of the burning at the time of the incident and the hour to follow it. Borrowing a line from Shakespeare, I would say that it burned with "the fire of a thousand suns." That's not too dramatic-- is it?

My mom, in an effort to make me laugh, commented that I needed to ask God why Noah had to take them on the ark with him. I replied that they weren't on the ark. They were just evil enough to survive a flood that covered the entire earth, devastating every living creature that ever existed to that point. That's how evil they are. They have the devil on their side.

I called Bart today to make a retraction. Last year we had this amazing conversation about Pain and what we thought Pain truly was. I asked him to retract every philosophical, spiritual, and thoughtful comment and conclusion I had about Pain. My new definition-- the scorpion sting.

I wanted something to write about (i.e. dramatize for my readers), I got it. Ready to rethink what you asked for today?