promise of hello

I'm here at Katy's, saying goodbye. Katy leaves for London tomorrow, and though I don't leave for Oxford for 23 days, the reality of goodbyes has begun to sink in. I've never really had to say goodbye before...I take that back. The last time I left some place for more than 2 weeks, when I moved to Austin from Dallas- that was tough. But that was then- and the Lindsey that says goodbye today is a different person. The goodbyes were different too- I was 13 saying goodbye to the only life I had ever known, the only people I had ever known, going to live in a new place. The differences and similarities to that goodbye are eerie. Once again to go to someplace new, but not forever-- I will return. However, like that first goodbye, I will never return to the place that I left as the same person, with the same view of the world, of life, love, people...

Things are about to change in major ways.

But now I realize that I have lied again- for I have said goodbye much this past semester- though not to a place. Recently, I said goodbye to a dear friend who can no longer stand to see me face to face- and he will decide when we say hello again. I also said goodbye to an old friend who feels that I owe him something that I feel I do not. He cannot forgive, so I relunctantly said goodbye to the friendship we knew. He will probably never decide to say hello again.

But the easiest goodbye and the one that surprised me the most was saying goodbye to myself. That sounds weird. But that is exactly what happened. And the goodbye didn't come until she was actually gone- but the hello was a splendid one, for in that transition from one to the next I became stronger, bolder, wiser, more passionate, more loving, and transparent. I am ME now-- as much as I have ever been.

Goodbyes are not so bad- I guess, in retrospect. For without goodbyes, there would be no hellos, and I have rejoice much in the hellos God has placed in my life recently. The new people, experiences, feelings, and self that I have encountered in the past year...wow. Amazing.

Katy leaves now- I leave soon. May I not dwell in the sadness of goodbyes, but rather, rejoice in the promise of hellos.

Have fun in London, Katy- and then even more in Scotland! I can't wait until we get to say hello again on the streets of London! *mwah*