unhealthy preoccupation
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, adjective morbid is defined as:
"a person, mental state, etc.: characterized by excessive gloom or apprehension, or (in later use) by an unhealthy preoccupation with disease, death, or other disturbing subject; given to unwholesome brooding"
This semester I finally enrolled in the Creative Writing- Fiction class that I always promised myself. My expectations of this class came from one of my favorite childhood movies, My Girl. But where are my hippie writers and free expression? Where is my rather attractive male prof? This class sure isn't what I expected. However, I have learned several things about myself in these first four weeks of classes:
1. I can write a short story for class in about 45 minutes flat,
2. I will actually pull my hair out of my head when people string together twenty million adjectives to sound like a good writer,
3. and I am morbid. Actually, I'm really morbid.
Every time I sit down to write, the only thoughts that come to mind that have any sort of potential are about death, dying, sadness, and irony. This coming from the same little girl who used to include a dream and a princess in every story. I like my stories, my class seems to like them, and my prof loves them. I've seen her shudder at the end of my readings. I love that feeling-- that something I wrote can actually induce a physical response.
But shhh! Don't tell. I mean, if that got out- I'd be ruined. No more perky blonde giggles. No more innocent, clueless looks. Can she give it all up for the sake of her art? Will she embrace this newfound morbidity? I rather like my unhealthy preoccupation, thank you.
2 Comments:
Sorry, honey, but I had to laugh. I thought back to Rowlett Elementary, first grade, Reflections contest. The theme was "Where does the sky end ... " We stayed up very late while you filled an entire posterboard with a huge castle and, there you were, the princess standing in front. For you, the sky ended at the "Magic Castle on the Hill." You were not happy with your participation ribbon -- only a blue ribbon would do. You learned a great deal between then and the big SECOND grade, at which time you actually paid attention to the theme and took BEST OF SHOW!!! We should have known then where your talents would lead you. Fairy tales to morbidity. Yes, very ironic ... but whatever works. After all, you've captured this audience!!!
I love you,
Mom
XXXOOO
I want to get two things on the record... the first is that I think you are an excellent writer. You have a way with words that succeeds in capturing the attention of any reader, not because what you are saying is interesting (although it is) but because it resonates with something deeper and doesn't need music in the background to keep us awake. The second is that I too have lost much hair while listening to literary prima donas string words like "scary darkness of the deeply black night" together and thing they are being somehow existential.
Now that that is on the record... if you stayed with castles and princess I would be thoroughly dissapointed. Morbitity shows that you actually have woken up this morning, left your room and payed attention to what is going on around you. Sadly that is a feat not many are able to accomplish. Just know that one cannot always send shivers down the spine, at least not the same kind of shivers as Irony's words at the end of your story acheive.
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