the labyrinth

"Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."

This is the inscription on the front of the UT Tower, which stands in the middle of campus and can be seen from most parts of the city. I stared at it the other day for a long time and had a thought. It isn't an entirely coherent thought, but a thought nonetheless...

Lies trap you. They place you in a four walled box. You are stuck, and they not only keep you in, but the keep others out as well. Logically, if you choose a path of truth, these walls would disappear, and you would be free to roam around. But who is really that honest? I know this sounds skeptical, but consider your own life for a second. Are you completely honest about every single aspect of your life to every single person you encounter? What I am getting at is transparency-- a goal of mine for some time. I desire to be completely transparent with those around me- so that they see the truest and most sincere form of me-- the good, the bad, and the ugly (and let me just tell you- there's a lot of ugly). This is the goal. I am not there yet, but through prayer and God's hand, I am moving towards this transparent state. And this state is a lifestyle- not a fad trend. This is a complete transformation that occurs on the inside, and is then reflected on the outside.

And the lies that box you in, you can remove those walls- but only the ones that you choose to bring down. If I tell my friends something, but hide that same thing from my parents (just an example, Mom) then I have removed a wall, but left one still standing. Now, if I continue on this pattern, becoming more honest, but only with certain people, then I make and break walls continually, to the point that I have produced a maze. I call this maze "selective truth." It is truth, and it is honest, but it is not transparent. It is a difficult life to maintain, as one can never quite remember exactly who knows what story or fact. But it is a great place to be, because in this place you gain a taste of the freedom of honesty, and you realize that in any true life change- there is pain. Those walls were great to hide behind for a time, and there is a certain vulnerability when they are removed, but it is a relief-- a deep relief. You also begin to experience the intimacy of a true friendship- without walls. A transparent relationship is intense and liberating-- but now it's the only kind of relationship I want.

I find that I keep running into some of the maze walls with my head, and it is starting to hurt. Wouldn't it be so much easier if I could run around and not worry about any walls in the way? Sure, but I'm not there yet. The path of transparency takes time and trust. And since the two beings that I am least honest with are myself and God, there are some big walls around a few corners. Until I can be completely honest with myself about who I am, and then stand fully transparent before God, some of the walls will remain. I must continue to press onward, moving through selective truth to complete transparency, which is freedom-- freedom in Christ-- the freedom to be who He has made me and to do the work that He has made for me. It's either that, or continue to live with a throbbing headache as I repeatedly slam my head into my self-made walls.