delirium

I think I slept sometime last weekend, or maybe the week before. I lose track. It's the end of the semester and sleep becomes this strange novelty that you think you might remember, but it was so long ago that you're not quite sure. With tests all week this week and three research papers due next week... that novelty will have to wait. Dang. And when I do actually sleep I have these bizarre dreams that make me wish I hadn't attempted to slumber. Good times.

The dream last night was particularly strange, as it seemed to be a continuation of last night's study session. The person I was studying with was there, and when I woke up, I felt like Dorothy, wanting to call him and say, "And you were there!" Eight more school days, followed by only two finals. Two fancy dinners, a banquet, a formal, a concert, and an initiation to go. I think I can, I think I can.

But I find that in these times of total delirium, i.e. right now, I get these strange creative streaks and must be doing something with my hands. Today after my grueling Biblical Greek test, I stumbled to the BSM and painted 3 large signs to hang on the wall. When I got home, I jotted down several story ideas and a couple lines of poetry, and then I got this urge to write on the blog, but I am suppressing the "deep Lindsey" that wants to write right now, because I know how little sleep she has gotten and I don't want her to embarrass me. Sorry, Linz.

What is great about these times is when I sit down to pray. I am so exhausted that I have nothing to say-- a feat for me. I have tons to ask for, I need so much help, and there are so many praises to send His way-- like the fact that I am still functioning at this point. There is an entire world out there to pray for, like the situation in Darfur. But I can't. I start to say something, but I just trail off and end up staring at the wall with this stupid blank expression. I told you this is great-- and it truly is, because at this point I have finally SHUT UP. It is in these times when I hear Him loud and clear, since my own voice cannot drown His out. I used to hate, but in my old age understand, the old addage-- you've got 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.

Well, I let crazy Lindsey ramble for awhile-- maybe she is ready for bed now-- but I doubt it. I bet she cleans the room and plays on AIM for awhile. That sounds like her. But you gotta love her!

if she's any good

"There was never a good biography of a good novelist. There couldn't be. He is too many people if he's any good."

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Suffice it to say, if one was reading this blog of mine, they would know exactly nothing about my life right now. Sure, they would know the occasional activity or outing, but that's not my life. This site is not even a mediocre biography, much less a good one. But I feel some deep thoughts coming.

A friend from Oxford IMed me Thursday night. She was flipping through my archives and one of my older, much deeper posts really touched her. (December 11, 2004 "i never saw blue like that before") Nothing I have publicly written lately would touch anyone-- especially since all my good material is going towards my creative writing papers. ;-) But this quote is challenging me a bit-- so I'll work up to telling you a little about life, when I've got more time to share. I am too many people-- bu the one who wrote that post wants to do it again. We shall see.

they did it for the kids

Today was the Alpha Xi 3 on 3 Basketball Tournament, benefiting the Austin Rainbow Room. This is our biggest philanthropy of the year, and the minute it is over, we begin to plan for next year. It was great! I didn't get a pic of my team-- but "Undisputed" played great, winning 2 and losing 2. The picture above is of the winning team, who also won the tournament last year. It was great to see them again! We all had a blast meeting the guys and cheering them on all day. Thank you to all who helped to put this tournament together-- it was undoubtedly our best one yet!

dateless date party

The Firehouse Lounge on Thursday night, then to Maggie Mae's

Pretty women-- walkin' down the street. Pretty women-- the kind I'd like to meet. Pretty women. Ah- my girls- my beautiful girls...

Who needs a date when you've got such incredible friends? We had a blast Thursday night, and I hadn't been downtown in forever.

My favorite part of the evening was meeting two of the guys that would be playing in our benefit basketball tournament on Saturday-- AFTER the kick-off party for said guys had long since ended. But no matter-- it was great and they were great in the tournament today. Thanks again, guys!

...umm... pretty women?...

crazy double standard

Oh-- I see how it is. You commment and comment when I'm not posting, and I get nothing when I do. Crazy double standard. You know-- a girl likes a little feedback every once in a while-- ya know what I mean? And while you're at it, could you "anonymous commentors" please sign your name? That would be great. Just a little note from Management. Thank you.

keane is coming! keane is coming!

I was perusing through my normal list of frequently visited sites, and just now discovered that Keane is coming back to TEXAS!!! Holy cow! I'm freakin out here- man! They will be in Houston, at the Verizon Wireless Theatre, on June 17th-- who is with me? The only reason I didn't buy the tickets NOW is that I would love to take a group. So assemble and inform me-- because, baby-- we're going to see Keane!!! Woohoooo!!!!!

to be or not to be... a nerd

I'm currently sitting in the workroom at the Learning Center where I work, hoarding this particular computer (with impeccable high-speed internet) in anxious anticipation for 2pm. At exactly 2pm today, my registration period begins for Fall 2005, and thus, the battle for classes ensues. I am particularly delighted this year to have the earliest registration period, so I am free of my usually panic about full classes. I have assumed the position: back straight, feet flat on the floor, eyes straight ahead, preferred schedule to my left, back-up options to my right, and fingers arched over the keyboard. I've played this game before, I've fought this battle, and this time-- I will win.

I am a nerd. I love registration, my favorite part of which is perusing the course catalog-- how does one ever decide?! But as a seasoned veteran, I know the methods, and I certainly know the madness. The choices came easily this semester-- I know what I like, I know who I like, and I know what I need to graduate. Graduate. That's a strange word. I have one year left. Weird. I feel as if I have always been here, and also as if it only just began yesterday. College is Heaven for me, and I could stay here for quite some time.

And this is strange to say, but I have just recently discovered this amazing place on campus where I can get lost for hours on end—a place where there is always more to learn, always more to be seen, and so so so much to do! The library, my friends, is the happiest place on earth! I began researching for a class, and now I am ready to research forever—and I am definitely ready to begin work on my thesis! No one will see me next year, unless they seek me out at the library or Harry Ransom Center. There, amongst piles of books and papers and perfect writing utensils you will find me— deliriously happy and hopelessly a nerd.

But back to the here and now...
The time now reads 1:25. 35 minutes remaining. I hope no one tries to steal my computer. It is mine!!! Registration can be vicious-- I've seen people lose friends, roommates, and limbs over it. You must be prepared, you must be persistent, and you must above all else remember that there are loopholes around loopholes and it pays to know people who know people. Think you can handle it? I hope, for your sake, you are ready. It's a harsh world out there in registration land. Good luck, God speed, and may the craziest one of all get their classes.

twin compasses

A VALEDICTION FORBIDDING MOURNING

by John Donne

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove
The thing which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

the night was a blur...

...and so are my pictures!

You probably can't tell it by looking at them, but these are pictures of Kris and Ryan. They were taken at Stubbs at their kick-butt CD release party. I am still so proud of these guys. They just got back from Nashville, where they played at the Gospel Music Awards, and this weekend they were out of town playing. I beam like a proud parent-- these are my boys!!!

alive's cd release party tomorrow

who: Alive
what: CD Release Party
when: tomorrow, April 6th
time: 8pm
where: Stubbs BBQ
why: because these guys are incredible!!!

Come join me tomorrow night at Stubbs BBQ to hear Alive! These guys are near and dear to my heart, and I promised them a huge crowd. They need your suppport. Please come out to to the show. The cost is $10, which includes their new CD "Summon You Power." I was talking to Ryan, the band's drummer, two nights ago and he mentioned that they not only need the people, but also the prayer. Please join me at the show and in prayer for these incredible men whose greatest desire is to glorify God through their music and lives.

Check out the band: www.aliveband.org

my so called bizzare life

Four people in the last week have used the term "bizarre" to describe me. They are corect. I am okay with that.

You are never going to believe this-- as I hardly believe it myself-- but I accidentally ran into Don Miller tonight. For all I knew he was back in Portland, but no, he was at the Derek Webb concert. And you will never believe this either... he asked me for a hug! Donald Miller, one of the people I admire most in this world, asked ME for a hug! He also thanked me for the letter and said he'd hang my picture on the bulletin board up above his desk. I win. I totally win-- even though I stood there blushing and grinning like an idiot... this is a new reaction for me. At least I didn't open my mouth this time. ;-)

Yes, I am bizarre-- but you're reading my blog. What does that say about you? Ha.

PS- Derek was amazing. His heart radiates through his music. I love it. Check him out: www.derekwebb.com

do it for the kids

Attention ALL Male UT Students!

Come play in the annual Alpha Xi Delta 3 on 3 basketball tournament,

benefitting the Rainbow Room!

In addition to the tournament-- you will receive a t-shirt, admission to the party downtown, and a chance to win $300!

www.alphaxi3on3.com

will you sign my bra?

Yes, I asked one of my favorite authors to sign my bra-- but you would have to know the guy (and me) to realize that that is okay. :) By yesterday he knew my name, today he called me by it several times, signed my books, stood in for a pic, and chatted a bit. At blue like Jazz Riffs, I sat five feet from him for an hour, and 12 feet before that. (You're starting to worry about me...) And then tonight I gave him a four page letter that I wrote earlier along with a copy of the picture of us. ( And now you fear me... Don't worry, because I think Don may fear me as well.) I have accepted the fact that I am bizarre, that I do strange things, that I am giddy and bubbly, and that sometimes I go overboard a bit. This is who I am. Think I'll end up in a future chapter? Could be cool...

Too much happened today to write tonight. I took 7 pages of notes at Jazz Riffs, and 3 more tonight at REZ Week. Let me process, and I'll get back to you. I was too embarrassed from a comment that I made giving him the letter, which I'm sure he thinks is a bomb, so I didn't say goodbye. I'm sure he was grateful for the reprieve. Farewell, Don Miller-- it was a memorable week. Thanks for sharing your experiences of Jesus with our campus, and for touching my life in a very special way. You will be sorely missed.